Lord, please forgive me!

"Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father

in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;"

Ephesians 5:20

"In every thing give thanks:

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

I Thessalonians 5:18

God has really been speaking to my heart. I look back at some of the things I wrote, but most importantly what I think. I have been angry at God for what has happened to me.  I don't understand why my health is the way it is, but it's time to accept it and thank God for it and see what lesson He has been trying to teach me.  I think I have been a pretty stubborn learner. This attitude and anger has caused discontent in my heart, my family, and has hurt the ones I love. Most of all I have been very angry at God. I am to give thanks for the good but also for the things that happen that I don't like. God has a reason. He knew this would happen and He has a plan. I need to trust God and His plans for my life. There is a purpose for me to be where I am today with the health that I have. I am NOT to feel guilty, bitter and anger toward myself or God. He loves me and really cares for me. I don't want to be discontented, angry, worried or anxious anymore. It won't happen over night, but it will always be a time of growing in my life.

God loves me and created me the way that I am. It is not because of sin. It is to bring glory to Him. This thought goes against all that I have heard and believed for the last 20 years. When they told me 5 years ago that I may have luekemia there was a moment of relief that FINALLY I was ill because of something that I did not do!  I am constantly punishing myself with words and deeds..."shame on you, can't you do anything right?..." No I can't but God can and He has and loves me and truly cares for me. He has given me a husband who loves me, cares for me, and is crazy about me (tee hee). I have a great bunch of kids who love the Lord.

Thank you Lord for being here with me as I struggle with weight and my health. Help me to thank you for being here with me and to see what you have planned for me while I'm here. I love you and thank you for all that you have given to me, even the food I eat everyday. Amen

Let's Start AGAIN!

Dear Diary,

Ok, I slipped up on my excercising, again and did a pretty good job of beating myself up. So, I'm going to change it up a little. To start with I'm doing 30 minutes 3 days a week. I'm going to the LLC gym. It's not expensive just free. It's called wii.  I could strangle the little guy when you get weighed. Why do they have to plump up your wii fit person...wow...thanks for the encouragement guys! They do give you badges..or stamps...so I guess I better quit blogging and get to jogging! HA ha ha I made a rhyme, well it's about time I did something! Talk to you later....

Bye!

Maybe Tomorrow

My friend told me today that she had lost alot of weight. I just don't know what to do. It seems like I just keep trying and trying. I don't exercise enough I guess. Ok so what she may have lost alot of weight but I will lose some to.  Oh forget it..........it's been a busy day and I'm tired and discouraged. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully it will look better.

Rainy Yucky Day!

Dear Diary,

Wasn't able to walk today. I think I worked to hard yesterday and my knees are hurting. I did walk quickly through Walmart. I know that doesn't really count. Now everyone is home and I don't want to walk infront of them, so I guess I'll let this be my break day. Today I just feel empty headed. It must be the weather, it sure doesn't inspire you to do very much...so I won't. Oh, well tomorrow is another day and I will get up earlier and walk BEFORE I leave the house!

Good night!

Another Day in the Life of........ME!

Dear Diary,

OK I woke up this morning determined to walk. It was slow going but I did walk one 12 minute mile and than I sat for about 2 hours recouperating! Oh, well some days are bad and some days are good and some are in between. I guess I have to realize that I'm 53 and not as young as I tell myself I am.

I woke up this morning and felt like crying. I had already failed since I posted last night (in my mind only). So I said, "Ok God, this is crazy I need your help." Got myself something to eat, read my mail and took a shower and THEN I walked. Did I mention that I HATE to excer-size? Especially by myself. It is soooo boring. I watched some DIY program. Now I've eaten lunch and it's time to work on my Bible Study for Tuesday. Oh, ya...I was going to start writing my own. I guess I'll have to decide what I'm going to do....Oh, I better get dinner started. I'm making venison stew.

I'm feeling good today. I know it's the walking. It's like a drug that really does make me feel better and think clearer.

I love my husband he is so encouraging. He loves me just like I am!

Talk to you later,
Bye for now!

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This!

Dear Diary,
I woke up one day and found out I was sick.  I don't know how it happened, when or why. I'm sure other people can give many different reasons, but you don't know me well enough to give any. I don't need to spend time figuring out why it happened I just need to see about "fixin'" it. So that is my goal. I hate goals because I give up before I even get started. Today is a new day and I am going to start...nah...I'll start with yesterday. "Why", you ask, because I want to start with something good that I have done. You want to know what it is? Here it is.......(drum roll please).......I walked a mile!

Now that was OK for me, actually the week before I walked two miles, but I have to look at the good side of things. I goofed at lunch today and really blew it! OK, so I blew it...it isn't the end of the world, but maybe for me it will be. I can't let myself think like that so I'll try to stop.

I think I am my own "worse" enemy sometimes. I can be SO brutal with my self talk. The Bible says, "as a man thinketh in his heart so is he..." well, what I think in my heart is very destructive. This doesn't help me, and I need to change it. It seems like I can never win with my weight. That's my problem...maybe I need to ask the Lord to help me and set some goals for myself. If feel SOOOOO guilty about almost everything in my life. Every night when I go to sleep I say to myself, "I can't believe you did this to yourself! You can't do anything right." This is not true. With God's help my husband and I have raised 4 Godly children who love the Lord.

So starting tonight I will look in the mirror and tell myself something good about me and thank the Lord for ME.

Tomorrow, I will walk at least one 12 minute mile and clean the cobwebs out of my house. First I'll read my Bible and ask the Lord to help me before my feet get out of bed in the morning.

Good night Dear Diary.